Friday,
April 5, 2002

Dazed and Confused

Mercury didn't go back into retrograde when I wasn't looking, did it? Because that would certainly explain the past couple of weeks, and most definitely explain the past couple of days.

I dunno, campers. It seems like the only time I'm at peace with everything is when I'm alone in my car and not interacting with people. Otherwise, I'm either fighting with someone, bitching to someone else, or generally struggling with shit. And dammit, I don't want to fight with my friends. I don't want to bitch to them, either, and I'd really appreciate it if things would calm down and be pleasant for awhile (for EVERYONE -- this seems to have been the Month from Hell for almost everyone I know).

In the meantime I feel like curling up into a ball and crying, and I can only pin part of this on hormone fluxes resulting from the crimson tide. Maybe I need Prozac. Or maybe I just need a career change -- I've actually been thinking about going back to school and getting a BA in biology, of all things. I know dropping out of the pre-med program back in 1988 was probably the right decision at the time, but I still miss biology and medicine. I loved working for the Peds ER department at Bernard Mitchell Hospital, and I miss the labs and working with living things and fixing all that wonderful organic machinery. I watch medical and surgery specials on the Discovery Channel, and I wish that was me. Even with the hassles of overbearing hierarchies and HMOs and malpractice insurance and people blaming you for their relative's death (even though that relative was 98 and ready to go on her own), part of me still wants that M.D after my name.

I dunno -- is 37 (which is how how old I'd be by then) too old to go to med school? Maybe I should team up with my friend Erin, and we can both pursue our medical careers.