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Monday, The Gross-Out Entry
I'm home early because I'm still feeling yucky from last week (well, once I'd finished updating a couple of websites and attended our "Welcome to the Reorganization -- Please Don't Leave" meeting this morning, I was pretty much free for the rest of the day in any case). So I came home, just in time to answer a remarkably pressing call of nature, the type when you're sick and your GI tract respond to the bugs by trying to evacuate every molecule of food in your system in one huge mass.
Yes, I really did think that, which tells you just what condition my mind was in. What's truly frightening, however, is that for a full millisecond I considered posting the picture here. Oh, God. "Pictures of Melanie's bowel movements" -- yeah, that's a great way to bump up the hit count. Well, it probably is, but not by the kind of people I'd like to have reading this journal. And I'm sorry, because I know this is just so damn weird even for me, but even reading this again to myself has got me giggling uncontrollably. "Hey, look what I took a picture of!" Nobody ever called me normal. Maybe I should just go back to bed, yes?
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Oh,
man. I can tell I'm ill, and in more ways than one. 
Yeah,
one of those. After answering the call and tidying up, I turned
around and took a look at the result, and was struck by the sheer
waviness of it, like a greenish-brown cerebrum. It actually
looked kinda pretty, to be perfectly honest, or at least as pretty
as feces ever gets. And as I found myself considering the toilet
bowl and its contents, I mused that I really should get a picture
of this.
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