Meanderings: March 26, 2000

Sunday,
March 26, 2000

Color me shocked.

It was such a lock -- she was beautiful and charming, did a fabulous job in AMERICAN BEAUTY, was nine months' pregnant, and her husband was about to accept the Thalberg award. You would have assumed that this year's Best Actress race had Annette Bening written all over it.

And Hilary Swank smoked her. Wow -- I can't decide if Hilary happens to know where a few choice bodies are buried, or if she rode in on the gay marriage controversy.

Note -- I am not saying she didn't deserve the Oscar,so the PC Police can stand down, thank you. I haven't seen BOYS DON'T CRY, but I have seen clips, and even in those brief snippets her performance was amazing. On merit alone, yes, she deserved the Oscar.

But let's be honest here -- the Academy Awards are some of the most Machiavellian, politically driven statuettes in entertainment. Even the yearly hooraw over SFWA's Nebulas looks like a small town school board row next to Oscar. And the Academy doesn't like controversy, plain and simple. Oh, yes, they'll recognize controversial subjects, as long as they're watered down enough to become acceptable -- it was okay for Tom Hanks to win an award for PHILADELPHIA because his gay AIDS patient 1) was fighting the system and 2) would die from his illness. I forgot who first said this, but it's exquisitely true -- as far as Hollywood is concerned, sex is okay as long as it's punished afterwards. So Tom Hanks carried home a statuette, and Terence Stamp wasn't even nominated for his breathtaking performance as a post-op transsexual in PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT because his character lived happily ever after.

Maybe that's it. Maybe because Brandon Teena was murdered for the crime of trying to live life as a man, that's why Hollywood gave Hilary Swank the golden nod. I'm happy for Hilary, truly I am, but the rationale makes me slightly sick.

Speaking of PCness (and God, I don't want to pick up this mantle, but. . .), maybe I've just been living in Europe for too long, but what was with Billy Crystal and all the black jokes? Suggesting that one of the missing Oscars had been found in Erykah Badu's turban, the snipe at THE HURRICANE, "I see white people" -- what was that all about?

Or am I just overreacting? Would it have been funnier if Billy said that the missing Oscar had been found in Cher's hair? I dunno, Marty -- maybe I was just reacting to Denzel Washington's increasingly pissed-off look throughout the evening. But it did bug me a little.

Something else I noticed -- there were no atrocious gowns this year, not a single coke-inspired disaster like that one-armed self-designed thingie Kim Basinger wore while she was still dating the Artist Currently Known As Some Unpronouncable Symbol. Even Cher admitted that she was dressing like a grownup nowadays -- Bob Mackie must be pissed. I think the only semi-eye-watering gown was Nicole Kidman's fluttering number, but I instantly forgave her when I saw the brass chainmail half-gloves. And there was Cameron Diaz's bosomless-baring creation -- what a lovely shot of her breastbone and not much else -- but at least the dress was black and simple.

Could Hollywood couture be *gasp* dulling down? It certainly seems like it, judging from tonight. And if that's the case, what in the wide world of sports are media sluts like me going to dish? The tuxedos? I think not.

Paging Jean Casem and Edie Williams, please hie yourselves to the Academy Awards, stat. . .

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