|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Saturday, I am so pissed. I was sitting here earlier, reading my news, when I glanced out my office window. Not ten feet from me, I saw a red-headed bird perched on a tree, poking at it with its beak. It was a woodpecker! I thought, "Cool -- Swedish nature shot!" (no, not those kinds of nature shots. Sheesh) and went for the digital cam. Then I noticed the sheers were in the way, so I opened them a bit. The rustling noise was just enough to freak the woodpecker, who flew off. Well, shit. And here I was trying to bring you a shot of Swedish wildlife at its best, too.  Instead, you'll just have to make do with another example of wildlife, namely the sniffilus Melania. It's a cranky beast, known for dripping mucus from its nasal passages and chugging large amounts of orange juice while suffering from intense, stabbing pains within its nasal membranes and sinuses. These pains produce copious saline production from one or both eyes, and may give the false appearance of deep grief or chopping onions. It may also snap when approached without protective armor or gifts of Actifed. This prime example at left shows the distinctive markings of the sniffilus Melania -- the shaggy auburn coat, the patchy pink and white hide (note the redness around the nose -- a good way of distinguishing sniffilus Melania from cinematica depresso Melania) and the half-opened, watery eyes. This picture of the reclusive creature was taken directly after an impressive -- some might say explosive -- nasal discharge that covered a distance of three feet. We were able to determine the precise distance because we had to clean the window off afterwards. 
Writing? You want me to say something about writing? Are you on drugs? |
Welcome | Lewis Carroll | Erotic
Science Fiction | Cool
Canadian Bands
|
