Meanderings: July 24, 1999

Saturday,
July 24, 1999

Sigh.

I feel like a drooling fangirl. And not even a drooling fangirl with the guts to back up her convictions.

When I write stories in the first person, I try to hear the protagonist narrating in my head. Sometimes I'll just let a voice create itself, and sometimes my subconscious will pick someone's voice that I particularly like and use it as the narrator's.

I was about a thousand words into a new story when I realized that I was hearing Jeffrey Combs' voice in my head as the protagonist, Gideon. Which is cool -- I've liked his work ever since I first saw him in REANIMATOR, and I think his characters on DS9 (Brunt and Weyoun) have been extremely nifty. More importantly, he has an interesting voice -- tenor, slightly nasal but also husky, almost velvety in aural texture, and very flexible when it comes to expression. He used it to great effect as Brunt (probably because the Ferengi makeup doesn't allow for a lot of facial mannerisms -- Armin Shimmerman also uses his voice the same way for Quark), and in my head he really worked as Gideon.

This is where it gets a bit weird and embarrassing. See, I also had a massive thing for him back in 1987, after I saw REANIMATOR (hmm -- Nicholas Cage, Arnold Vosloo, Jeff Combs -- you wouldn't think I like 'em dark and intense, would you?). In any case, I still think he's pretty cute, and once I'd realized that I was hearing him as Gideon, I also realized that I really hadn't seen him out of Vorta or Ferengi makeup for awhile. So, being the self-respecting webmistress that I am, I fire up the modem, start Netscape, call up Yahoo and plug his name in as a search parameter.

The search results produced three fan sites. I go to the biggest one -- nice, well designed, has a decent gallery of shots (including an absolutely adorable picture of him grinning at a con -- his entire face lights up when he smiles). Then, being the insatiable information hound that I am, I click on the FORUM link for the dedicated bulletin board.

Oh, dear. Admittedly, there were many posters who were intelligent, reasoned, and literate. Some of them knew him from high school, others simply admired his acting work and enjoyed the website. Unfortunately, there were also a lot of posters who were. . .well, incoherent is a polite way to put it. One excitable miss apparently left her caps lock on while she described how godlike he was and how much she loved him and wanted to have his babies. There were other posters in the same vein, enough so that I was wincing as I scrolled down the posts, trying to avoid the more unhinged ones.

Thing is, it's easy to poke fun at these people, or wonder when was the last time they took their medication. But. . .well, wasn't I there for the same reason? Didn't I specifically seek out this website so that I could find pictures of an actor I thought was tres dishy? I might be more literate, and more likely to know when not to use my caps key, but under the skin wasn't I--

--well--

--like them?

Therein lies the rub, and the urge to crawl under a large rock. I mean, I don't know this man personally -- chances are, I will never meet him unless circumstances put us in an SF convention green room at the same time (and considering how often I go to media cons, chances of THAT are vanishingly small), so he's essentially, well, appealing wallpaper. And I'm an intelligent, attractive woman who can put words together in a pleasing way and knows how to juggle -- I have accomplishments I can be proud of, as well as a Bodacious Brit of a husband. But I'm still sitting here, cringing in embarrassment because -- oh, God, am I really that dorky? Deep down, is part of me still ready to giggle and behave in truly stupid ways just because someone attractive crossed my line of sight? Do I still have this ditsy thirteen-year-old running around inside of me?

Yeah, I think I do. *sigh*

Then again. . .Lyndon keeps saying that I'm extremely cute when I act like a big kid. And giggling can be a lot of fun at times, I have to admit. And having a thirteen-year-old inside of me means I get to buy Hubba Bubba bubble gum, buy weird nailpolish and play with barbies as long as nobody's watching. So it's not like it's all bad.

Oh, what the hell -- I'm still keeping Jeff's voice as Gideon. A little cringing never hurt anyone. Besides which, I still think he's cute -- and does anyone else wonder if he and Bruce Campbell were separated at birth? Oh, hey, that's an idea! Now that DS9 is over, maybe Autolycus's older, smarter (and more sarcastic) brother could show up sometime and make life difficult for him with Xena. Ooh, now there's an idea for some fanfic. . .

Drooling fangirl, signing off. . .

TOP