Meanderings: December 19, 1999

Sunday,
December 19, 1999

43 (net -- serious editing)

52,260

I brought another one over to the Dark Side. Heh, heh, heh.

Yes, I've convinced someone else to start an On-Line Journal. Her name is Julia Kosatka, and her brand spankin'-new writing journal is called Alternate Universes. She's also a member of the Starfleet Ladies' Auxiliary and Embroidery-Baking Society, and now our latest WebRat. I'm so proud.

I've been thinking about penises lately.

(Okay, stop and wipe the beverage off your monitor. I'm sorry -- did I make you snort that through your nose? My apologies.)

About penises -- I'd seen them before, of course, but think I first started really noticing them in the movie PROSPERO'S BOOKS. This is Peter Greenaway's version of The Tempest, and contains a hell of a lot of male frontal nudity -- actually, it contains a hell of a lot of nudity, full stop. But it was the panoramic view of male genitals in all shapes, sizes and ages that really caught my attention. Before that, my exposure to the male genitalia had been -- well, not exactly limited, but not on the level of Ginger Lynn's, either.

Actually, the first time I'd ever seen a penis in the flesh, as it were, was in a college Life Studies drawing class. The week before, the instructor announced that we would be starting Life Studies next, and for some reason I took this to mean a female model. You could say I was somewhat surprised when I walked into the classroom the next week and came face to face with -- a guy. In a very short blue bathrobe, sitting casually on the modeling stand. I think my eyes bulged, then I burbled something incomprehensible as I reversed and left the room, thinking, "He's got to be wearing something under that robe, he's gotta be wearing something." I finally decided that the better part of valor was to wait for someone else to come along so that I wouldn't be alone with this guy who was wearing. . .well, whatever.

Have I mentioned that I didn't date much in college? You'd never be able to tell.

Finally, my other classmates started straggling in, so I went back into the classroom, very carefully keeping my attention on my art board while the instructor explained what she wanted us to do that day. At which point she said, "Okay -- would you take a pose, please."

And I looked up. And promptly said, "Oh, my God." Very loudly -- that damn classroom echoed. The class quite understandably cracked up, including the model, and after turning geranium for a few minutes I finally managed to wrestle my embarrassment under control and get back to the matter at hand. As it were.

Ahem.

Because it was right there, four feet in front of me -- my very first live view of a penis. I spent two weeks drawing it from various angles (yes, I drew the rest of him, too -- sheesh) and chatting with the model during breaks -- he turned out to be a very nice, softspoken guy who was extremely amused by my reaction. Looking back on it, though, I have to say that it was a particularly neat introduction to the equipment because, since he was a model, I could look at it without embarrassment. I was supposed to study it, analyze the way it jiggled when he moved, note the way it was cradled by the testicles, all so that I could draw it accurately.

Cool.

So, back to PROSPERO'S BOOKS -- Greenaway chose to portray Ariel and the other attendant spirits as naked people of all ages, shapes and sizes. There's a long panning shot across Prospero's library, if I remember correctly, and there are male spirits busily at work everywhere with their goolies dangling in the breeze. A LOT of male spirits. Lots of goolies, there. Part of my brain was watching the movie and enjoying the storyline -- another, weirder part was considering the goods on display and busy considering "An Ode to a Penis."

But honestly, what marvelous things they are. And I'm not even saying that in a sexual sense -- penises really are nifty, if you think about it. For one thing, they're little (oh, you know what I mean) marvels of flexible biostructure. Responsible for two separate functions in the male body, they rise (oh, dear, I'm really not doing this on purpose, honest) to the tasks of excreting urine and ejaculating semen with equal skill. And the hydraulics of an erection are impressive as all hell from an engineering point of view, all so that we can propagate the race. Cool beans.

And they look nice. I've never understood women who think they look odd or funny -- I think penises are attractive. Straightforward, streamlined, functional in design, they curl up when not needed, then stand up tall and proud when the occasion calls for it. I once mused to a friend of mine that there was nothing quite so beautiful as a man with an erection. He gave me a strange look and edged away fearfully. I really do have to learn not to let my mouth runneth over at times.

But I still think penises are nifty things, and I congratulate those actors who have decided to let it all hang out for the glory of full-frontal nudity. Even some well-known names have decided to go for it -- Jeremy Irons, Kevin Bacon, Pierce Brosnan, Robin Williams, Rutger Hauer, Harvey Keitel, Bruce Willis, Ewan MacGregor, Bob Hoskins, the list goes on and on. Good for you, guys.

Okay, I'll stop talking about it, now. But they are cool. . .

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